Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
