I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize