That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
