someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
