I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
