You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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