Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh god it's open bar.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
