This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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