I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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