The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
