She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
