I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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