do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
