Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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