Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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