He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
