The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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