so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
