I CAN MOONWALK!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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