I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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