Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
