Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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