I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
