My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
