Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
