I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
