how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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