You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
