what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
