mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
