she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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