saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
