haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
