He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
