Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
