She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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