Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
