I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
