i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
