I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
