i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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