i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
