This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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