I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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