How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
