Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
