hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize