Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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