I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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