I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
