i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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