my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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