This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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