when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize