You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
