Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
