your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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