Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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