not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
