It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
