So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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