You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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