can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This is classic penis vs brain.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
