If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
