$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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