He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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