I wish i was in the wii world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
